Writings of a Phobophobe.
All you wanted was never ever;
I could be that never never ever.
–
She wanted that happily ever;
But I could be the one that wavers never.
–
We thought of forever never,
Damn we knew it wasn’t forever ever.
–
Come and be my ever lover,
I promise I’ll never ever.
When I buy,
I don’t quite want it.
When I comply,
I don’t quite agree with it.
When I try,
I don’t quite fit in.
When I cry,
I don’t quite feel it.
When I lie,
I don’t want you to believe it.
When I bid goodbye,
I don’t want you to take it.
A nostalgic scent
Of unwanted feelings and crying eyes;
Of unfulfilled dreams and hunger to succeed;
Of unfated soulmates and lingering touches;
Of unwritten poems and stashed thoughts.
The smell of haze
And a hazy future are synonyms.
A reminder of we’ve come far,
But not quite far enough.
Run away
From the world you loved,
They never understood your ways.
Fade away
From those dreams you had,
They won’t take off anyway.
And at times, I miss you.
I miss how we stumble out of clubs,
Young, intoxicated, and didn’t give a fuck.
I miss the way you say goodbye.
I saw from your eyes,
I know sometimes you lie.
You’ve always fancied me,
You’ve always thought about kissing me.
I feigned ignorance,
I wanted to see your persistence.
You said to me you’re always honest,
But no —
Just this one,
You never would want bluntness.
Sometimes you held my hand,
And I know you wanted to hug.
I could hear you resisting your heart,
I wished you went with your gut.
There were many things strangely accurate.
You were right about me,
But never believed in us.
The number of times —
I bit my lips wishing
Instead it was yours.
The number of times —
You held me up,
Instead of holding me close.
Each time we denied our hearts
From every chance of never being apart.
And still sometimes, I miss you so so much.
Restrained,
By the thick ropes and chains.
Society,
Is the one that changed me.
Artist,
Was all I wanted to be.
Happy,
Was all I ever seeked.
Money,
They will give when you obey.
Glory,
You get with compassion frayed.
Winners,
Are ones who betrayed trust.
Losers,
Are those who gave too much.
Since when did it become this way?
Since when did we make it this way?
Kinship is soon nothing.
Friendship is soon vanity.
Nature is soon dying.
What about us?
Soon we’ll be alone and crying.
Clank.
Another one of those hearts got broken.
Aching through the flanks,
Alone and solemn.
Me and you against the world,
Seems like it was just an old folk tale,
When there are ones against your fleur,
Hands in the pocket no matter bail or jail.
Silently side by side,
We laid.
It was unspoken chemistry
In bed.
I wanted hugs,
You stayed.
Just long enough to get to
My head.
You drove to get us coffee
And bread.
It was me
You played.
You have nothing,
You said.
All that I wanted was you
Instead.
Your smile and kisses on my
Forehead.
You left then — your eyes
Were dead.
Each night I prayed, I plead and
I wept.
I wished we had been normal and went on
A date.
You never came back and I call that
Heart break.
Now all I remember is your charm that
I hate.
Move in swishes,
Live on wishes.
We are all different –
Yet somewhat alike.
We all love,
We all fear.
Isn’t it strange we don’t care so much about each other?
Isn’t it ridiculous sometimes we’re afraid of each other?
Before the grave,
After all you gave.
We are all the same,
Yet somewhat different.
Isn’t it stupid to compare riches?
Isn’t it dumb to have made someone’s life difficult?
Blessings are the days living,
That’s all I’m really saying.
Be kind,
Be brave.
And soon you’ll find out,
They give our life it’s true meaning.
Sometimes I feel like I forgot
How to cry.
Sometimes all we need is
Someone to pry.
Sometimes I want to rant till
My mouth runs dry.
Sometimes all we need is
That someone to try.
