Inhibited.

You and your idealistic self will bring the death of all kinds of relationship. I could tell it has been hard holding yourself to emotional and moral standards, only the mirror could fathom.

You’re all grown up. It’s safe now, to let your emotions be seen. You’ve been through enough to know where it’s safe not to be reigned. You finally know who would stick through the weird and lovely sides of you. And even so no matter what happens, you have you. You, that believe in what you always have. I know you know how powerful your own feelings could be, you’ve seen and felt them when it was premature. It’s time to face them head on yet again, with newfound wisdom and maturity honed over the years.

I trust that you can be safe now, to feel depth and soulfulness. And I wish you love and luck, garnering all the good fortune and karma accumulate, to find that one meaningful kindred spirit.

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Incarcerate.

A physical reaction to attempts of caging, cornering or pressurizing. An adverse effect to intrusion of privacy, as well as freedom of physical & mental personal spaces. I always gave a lot of freedom, because that is what I crave. And of course with freedom, people couldn’t understand how to build trust. Trust is about values, trust is also about morals. I believe in giving freedom as long as moral compasses and values of people are aligned. Therefore, these ring true to all my relationships, both romantic and platonic.

Sat in a cafe with a friend on a typical erratic weather Sunday. Got bitten by hungry mosquitoes and moved indoors. My mind was being picked at, people wondered about me, my life and my decisions. I loved and admired that curiosity and genuine interest, at the same time because intentions weren’t blatant, it was suffocating. It was suppose to be mindless and casual, but indirect intentions started suffocating my need for liberty. Was my idealistic self at work again? I wondered why people would be more interested in my activities yesterday or tomorrow, instead of who I am today and experience me being present then and there. That’s what I truly feel happy about, when someone makes himself (herself) available to be present for me. That’s how I feel I’m important.

It started to become noisier. People were shouting over background gibberish. The cafe was full. My head started spinning as neon lights started flashing. I felt f*cking claustrophobic.

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